Sav started coming to the Bert Nash Center for services a year ago.
“I had been needing to come to Bert Nash for a long time,” they said. “I knew I needed therapy to figure out what was really going on. I couldn’t get an accurate read on myself when I wasn’t sober.”
Sav has been seeing Mikayla, a Bert Nash Center therapist and a member of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy team.
“I had some bad therapy matches in the past, not good experiences,” Sav said. “But you’re not going to get a bad pair of shoes and say I’m never going to wear shoes again. So, I just needed a new pair of shoes. Mikayla and I hit it off immediately.”
Sav moved to Lawrence 10 years ago and knew about the Bert Nash Center.
“I was too sick to get help at that time,” they said. “I was drinking a handle of vodka a day. It got really bad during Covid. I never thought I would make it this far. I never thought I would make it to 30. I thought I was going to die if I don’t do something about this.”
Sav had a turning point three years ago.
“I just started drunk dialing rehabs and found one. I got on an airplane and went to Florida for three months. It was 2021,” Sav said.
Sav came out as non-binary four years ago.
“It was great, but it was also terrifying. It sent me down this wild rabbit hole of drinking. It made it so much worse. The scrutiny. People think you’re a joke, that it’s not real. It really messed me up,” they said.
After living in a self-described mental prison for years, Sav decided to seek help.
“I had enough and got clean and sober and wanted to prioritize my mental health. I knew I needed help,” Sav said.
They found it at Bert Nash.
“I realize now how much I really hated myself. I was the epitome of a self-loathing person. I almost relished in it. I think it gave me a reason to keep drinking and using,” Sav said. “I really believed that I was the worst. I started coming to therapy and I realized I talked to myself terribly. I was so mean to myself. I judged myself so harshly. Mikayla taught me that I deserved better than this and that I can actually like myself.”
Sav has learned skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy that they use every day.
“I think one of the biggest ones is Radical Acceptance. I’ve had to radically accept that this is my life,” they said. “I’ve had to accept that recovery will have to be part of my life every single day for the rest of my life. That I don’t have a gender, and that’s OK. And Sacred Self, how I talk to myself, that’s been really helpful.”
Sav has been clean and sober for the last 13 months.
“I’ve been living my life this way for the last year, and it’s been working,” they said. “I actually have plans. I started a project baking cheesecakes for friends out of my house. I’m also a musician. I like to make music; a lot of it is about recovery. My goal is to figure myself out. As long as I’m happy and healthy and content being sober, I’m OK with that.”
