DBT was a turning point

In the summer of 2016, Vincent Weston was struggling with psychotic symptoms and self-harm and knew he needed help, but didn’t know where to turn. He finally decided to talk to his parents.

“They sent me to every doctor they could find, basically,” Vincent said. “Finally, someone I saw recommended the DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) program at Bert Nash, so I went there.”

That was a turning point.

Vincent did both individual and group therapy at Bert Nash. He loved his therapist, Juliet Nelson, the DBT team leader. He was resistant to group therapy, though. At least, at first. But over time, he grew to like group therapy.

“I hated group; I felt like if I said something everyone would pounce on me. Part of me was like I don’t need to be here. But, honestly, it was really helpful for me to do group,” Vincent said. “I still use the skills I learned there.

They are skills that I think anybody could use.”

Vincent is transgender. He is transitioning from female to male. Bert Nash, which started a transgender group in 2017, gave him tools that helped him navigate the changes he was going through. Therapy also helped his parents deal with Vincent’s changes. They attended DBT sessions as a family, which wasn’t always easy or comfortable, but it was helpful for Vincent and his parents.

“Working with my parents was stressful at times,” Vincent said. “But it was what we needed. They said the interpersonal skills they learned also helped them in their marriage.”

That’s exactly how DBT for families is supposed to work, said therapist Nelson.

“One thing we tell parents is don’t just use this in response to your child,” Nelson said. “Use this for yourself, too. This is for everyone. It’s not just about focusing on the kid. Working on wise mind really helped the whole family.”

Vincent is an only child. So his transition from female to male wasn’t easy for his parents to accept at first, because they were losing a daughter. But gaining a son.

“It was hard for them to hear that I was trans,” Vincent said. “My parents thought this was just a phase. They were hesitant when I wanted to start hormone treatments. That was hard for me to hear, because I had been living with this for a while and I was finally comfortable enough with myself to say this is what I need to do to be happier. But they went with me when I started the hormone treatments and they also got a chance to meet Killian (Derusha, who leads the Bert Nash transgender group) and they thought he was great.”

Transitioning has been a process for Vincent, who first began thinking about gender identity when he was 14. He’s 19 now.

“I had been identifying as non-binary (someone who doesn’t identify as male or female) for a long time,” he said. “It was last summer that I started feeling a lot more masculine. I was uncomfortable in presenting in a feminine way. I still liked feminine things. I liked doing makeup and wearing fun clothes. I thought since I liked those things that presenting as a boy would be weird. But it’s something I decided I needed to do to be happier.”

The transition has been an adjustment for his parents.

“In middle school, I learned that Vince was a lesbian through other sources. This was a little overwhelming for Vince finding out that I knew, but I also wanted him to know that he was accepted as gay. In early high school, I learned that he was gender fluid. Again, I let him know that this was accepted,” Vincent’s mom, Julia, said. “It was in counseling with Juliet that we learned he wanted to transition. This is where I had some difficulties with this new change. With DBT skills and some counseling of my own, I made the adjustment and talked with him about changing names to something more mature and finding resources to move forward. He chose Vincent. I am so incredibly proud of Vince. He developed into an amazing young man, strong and solid since we began all this two years ago.”

Bert Nash therapist Nelson is proud of Vincent as well as his parents.

“Trans teens or individuals are at a really high risk of suicide, because they feel like they can’t tell anyone about this, and living with it is a lot of pressure. Stigma is such a terrible thing,” Nelson said. “Vincent’s investment in his own therapy and his own relationships is just a testament to the strength of this kid. He has been entirely patient throughout other people’s process as they had to get educated.”

And now the person who resisted group therapy at first has been asked to return as a leader.

“They asked me to come back and be like a peer,” Vincent said. “I told the people in group that what they will learn is actually relevant, so listen to them. You’ll be glad you did.”

He knows what he’s talking about.