Goldfish in a turbulent ocean

My days were dark for 30 plus years. With a degree in secondary education, I was a teacher until I was diagnosed with Anorexia. I was dying – didn’t know it – and didn’t care. My doctor told me I wasn’t going to die on his watch! This opened my eyes. I really did want to live.

My life was out of control. I was divorced, out of a job – a career. I was a goldfish in a turbulent ocean. I tried to go to school – hold a job – I couldn’t do it – I couldn’t do anything. I felt embarrassed, worthless, guilty, shamed, isolated, and full of despair. I was very anxious. Molehills became mountains.

Mental illness is a biological brain disorder – parts misfire. The earlier the diagnosis – the better the treatment. There are setbacks.

Medication is important – important daily. It is a trial and error process. It is important to know what you are taking and why. Finally, find a doctor you trust and that works for your best interest.

I have found I need structure. I have a regimented schedule. Routine is important. I have learned to say ‘NO’. Sleep, nutrition, and exercise are important. I have friends who support me. I distance myself from non-supporters.

My dream is to advocate for other clients and to tell my story so that others can see that there is hope, and that recovery is possible. I am a certified peer specialist at the Bert Nash. I work with peers who are looking for their own recovery in the decision support center. I also am working on my recovery.

Whether we are at the top of the mountains, or at the depths of the oceans, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hope is an eternal flame. Hope should never perish. I want to keep the eternal flame lit. Telling my story is one way to accomplish this goal.

–  Susan Murphy