“I’m not defined by my mistakes”

When Christel hit her breaking point last summer, she knew she needed to find help but did not know where to turn, until a close friend told her about the Bert Nash Community Mental Health Center.

“My best friend from college told me about Bert Nash. She said, ‘Here’s their number, please go talk to them,’” said Christel, a 2016 University of Kansas graduate and local Lawrence resident. “I’m very glad that she did.”

Christel was having issues within her friendships, family life, and mostly in her relationship with her boyfriend. It was because of the uncertainties on how to deal with those issues that ultimately led to her decision to find help.

“I felt really lost that I had hurt someone because of the way I was coping with my own traumas,” Christel said. “There were days I thought I couldn’t get up. I was so weighed down. I looked at myself in the mirror and was like, OK, you need to change your ways. I thought enough is enough. You need to go get help.”

Christel said mental health was not something her family talked about, but she is learning to be more open about her mental health. That’s when she reached out to the Bert Nash Center.

“The idea of depression, the idea of anxiety, growing up that just wasn’t something that we talked about. It was like depression is not real. But just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not real. I was dominated by the circumstances I grew up around, but I was also dominated by the fear of what other people thought about me,” she said. “I just wanted to end that cycle. I didn’t want to push things under the rug anymore. I think mental health should be a priority. It’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to ask for help.

“I had basically lived my life with trauma blocking; I didn’t want to be that way anymore because I’ve hurt people I cared about. Through that hurt, I learned how to remove toxic people from my life, so I could be a better person for the people who are in my life and also for myself,” she said.

Christel overcame her fear of taking medications to improve her mental health and is continuing to learn self-acceptance.

“Honestly, I feel awesome. I rarely get anxiety attacks anymore. I’ve become more accepting of things that have happened to me,” she said. “I’m a human being; I’m not defined by my mistakes. There’s always room for improvement. Every day is progress.”

Christel expressed how virtual therapy with Bert Nash therapist Connor Wyckoff has helped and the support of the crisis team helped her to get to that place.

“Bert Nash gave me a safe place to talk openly about myself and the way I was feeling, and there was no judgment,” she said. “Everyone was so helpful. They let me talk through my issues. Just having someone to listen me, it makes me feel like I’m not just this broken person. It’s really helped me sort through my priorities and who I want to be as a friend, as a daughter, as a sister, as a girlfriend, as a person.”