To have that help is amazing

Zsofia had cut herself before. But this time was different. She was really scared.

She called a friend and the friend was also scared. So, the friend called 911.

“I reached out to a friend when the self-harming incident occurred,” said Zsofia, who is a senior in high school. “I didn’t know what to do, so I called my friend.”

When first responders called the house, it was a surprise to Zsofia’s mom, Traci, who was home at the time but wasn’t aware of what had happened.

“They were both afraid, I was just really glad that Zsofia’s friend called 911,” Traci said. “She did the right thing and we really appreciated it.”

Zsofia was struggling emotionally at the time.

“It was a combination of things,” she said. “I was going through a lot at school. I had a breakup. I was just in a really bad place. I had done self-harming before. This time, it was really bad.”

Traci drove Zsofia to Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri.

“They explained that self-harm was different from a suicide attempt,” Traci said. “Explaining that difference was helpful.”

Zsofia spent about a week in the hospital.

“During my time there, we had group therapy sessions,” Zsofia said. “I had been going to therapy for like 10 years, but I had never done anything like that before. I thought this is really helpful and it was really cool to be around other kids who were going through similar situations.”

At Children’s Mercy, it was recommended that Zsofia see a therapist. Her parents brought her to Bert Nash.

“Everybody was really great about making sure I was OK,” Zsofia said. “Everyone was really supportive, and I really appreciated that. Because I know a lot of teenagers who don’t get that support.”

When Zsofia was in elementary school, she started having some problems. That was the first time she came to Bert Nash.

Now as a teenager, Zsofia went through the Dialectical Behavior Therapy program at Bert Nash.

“I still have problems, it’s not like I’m magically better,” Zsofia said. “But I don’t get as low or if I do get low I can get up really quickly. These problems never really go away, but through DBT you learn how to deal with them better.”

Even though she has graduated from the DBT program, Zsofia continued to see her individual therapist at the time, Jessica Allison, and was involved in an advanced adolescent DBT group.

“Jessica is amazing,” said Zsofia’s mom, Traci. “She’s the best counselor we have ever had. What she can do with Zsofia, it’s really amazing. And the coaching calls are a life-saver. Because, a lot of times as a parent, it’s hard to break through. But if Zsofia is having a hard time, I will tell her to use her coaching call and call Jessica. If Jessica’s not available, then the call goes to another therapist. There are a lot of times we need help and we don’t know what to do. To have that help is amazing.” 

Zsofia and Jessica have formed a strong bond.

“I feel like she can really empathize with the stuff I’ve been through,” Zsofia said. “It’s very easy to talk to her.”

“We bonded really quickly,” Jessica said. “She has made a lot of progress. I’m just really, really proud of Z and her parents.”

The entire family has benefitted from the skills they have learned from DBT.

“There were things I did as a parent that I had no clue were hurting her,” Traci said. “I still do, but now she’s brave enough to tell me. Zsofia will point it out to me, 'that’s not validating.'”

“It’s helped me to understand Zsofia better, and it’s helped me to understand myself better,” her step-father, Les, said.

“That whole structure in DBT is encapsulated in that this is an ongoing process, that it’s a practice that needs to be nurtured and worked on,” said Zsofia’s dad, Chris. “Everywhere we go, we’ve been an advocate that these skills can help their family and be a catalyst for change. We’ve been the family that people have come to and said we know you’ve been through this, how can we get help.”

And they always tell them the same thing, go to Bert Nash.

“Being part of DBT at Bert Nash, the things I’ve learned have been really helpful and they’ve really helped me with my self-worth,” Zsofia said. “When I got to Bert Nash, it was like a community, and that was really helpful.”

Her parents and step-parents have seen the change in Zsofia. “She’s grown so much,” said her dad, Chris. “We’ve all seen it. When we first got to Bert Nash, they said if you work on this and you have your support group to work on this with you, you will get better. And it’s happened.”

Zsofia is an over-achiever. She gets good grades, she’s artistic, she’s musical. So her internal struggles may not be visible to others.

“With a girl who is very successful in school and gets good grades, people don’t see things and it’s easy to mask her problems,” her mom, Traci, said.

As part of DBT, Zsofia participated in both group and individual therapy.

“I liked the solidarity about group,” she said. “It was nice to see that other people had struggles. You see social media and it looks like all your friends are doing these great things and everyone is being so happy. It’s really nice to talk to people who are also struggling.”